HOPE

Hope

She is still visible. I can still see her but don't touch inner me anymore. All I can see is a heavily neglected instrument lying with her head on the floor. But it wasn't like that before, I was so much attached to her. Asha is the one who showed me what I actually love to do, how I can actually release my emotions and who I really am. She was there whenever I needed her most and kept me up and up and up. Am I totally a different person now? What the hell happened to me? Where is that deep attraction? I keep asking myself, but my brain responds like a blank white paper.

 

My Childish interest

 

 I remember waking up with the sound of Summer of 69- Bryan Adams, Smell like teen spirits- Nirvana, Tears don't fall-BFMV. Pritom bhaiya crying for a guitar and mom promising him that after the exam; yeah, surely but not now. My big brother doesn't have any cousins or siblings closer to his age. He used to show me the music videos of Red Hot Chilli Papers, Guns and Rosses, Metallica, Pantera, Slayer and many more. That moment when he gets to talk about his favorite music artist or a guitar solo that he really wanted to learn makes him super super excited. So, this is where I got the influence. He often used to say, "Look how cool is he huh?" Whenever slash holds his guitar up and starts playing a November rain guitar solo. And the day I witnessed a live show of Ayub Bacchu, I fell for that instrument. I picture myself playing all the guitar solos in front of the crowd and they are cheering. Release my hand in the air and make weird guitar sounds with my mouth, became a full time air guitarist.

 

 

Holding with a million-dollar smile

 

Bhaiya became very busy with his personal life. Got himself taught by all the basics from his friend after finally getting the guitar. I used to hold it and try my best to make sounds which were in my head but playing guitar was the hardest thing for me. Bhaiya gave away his guitar to his friends. After my test examination I explored many types of music and again found the tone of the instrument interesting After 10 days I realized I want nothing but to learn guitar. Asked my mom with the same reply " after SSC" till then cry as much as you want. Finally, during the vacation, I went to the science lab with my mom. She gave me my black Gibson. After getting back home I ran to my brother holding my guitar. My brother with a smile " look who's there with a million-dollar smile.

 

A Friend named Asha

 

After a week I got my guitar. My brother went abroad to complete his graduation, so I was helpless with an instrument which had six strings. My brother teaches me the basic practice so used to exercise those finger style practice whenever I get any free time. After that I got bored with the same exercise. One of my friends who used to play guitar suggested that I learn from YouTube. I started learning and it was really fun. I was learning new chords and new exercises. A friend of my brother who was a great guitar player taught me some advanced stuff like how each note works according to the note serial. A friend of mine from my college Adnan taught me ‘SA RE GA MA PA’. Within 1 year I was pretty good at it. I succeed in singing alongside playing guitar. And became obsessed with it. I hoped to become professional someday. After coming back from college and outside I was with my guitar. So, one day after having a hectic day when I was about to hold my guitar, \mI was like how are you friend? I immediately came up with a name. I named her Asha.

First song

 

First year final arrived. But I still manage to spend time with her (Asha). I Was extremely bad at biology subject and also afraid. So, it was a pretty bad exam. Pass number was 40 according to college rules. I was confident that I would fail in a subject for the first time in my academic life. The night before the ICT exam I was sad and walking on the grass. The moon was shining bright and suddenly a line came ‘চলছি আমি একলা পথে চাদের আলোওররর দিকে এ.' grass was wet with dew and suddenly শিশির ভেজা পায়ে যেতে হবে দুরে বহু দুরে.' I rushed to my home and within few minutes I was there in my bed with my first written song ‘এই পথ'.

 

Life the hardest hitter

 

Life became harder and my face became darker. I Was exploring different different unknown artist that I never listened. Most of the time I was found in the corner of my room holding Asha. I found out that a pathetic life is needed to come up with meaningful lyrics. Stopped my guitar practice and became more lazy day by day. My dreams started to fade away. It's a life without color. All the positive energy from yesterday is like a dream which will never come true. Keep asking myself what the hell am I looking for?